While it is always dangerous to make too sweeping of a generalisation, it is basically fair to say that grey nomad couples tend to have fairly regimented division of on-the-road labour … often along traditional gender lines. The queue at the dump point will normally be dominated by men, and it’s often the ‘blokes’ who will be hitching up and unhitching the van.
Conversely, the ‘fairer sex’ – more often than not – do the majority of domestic duties like cooking and laundry. So, in enlightened 2024, what’s going on?
A common refrain from ‘kitchen-duty-shy men’ is that they’re ‘terrible cooks’, while dump point-averse travellers may dry retch at the mere mention of such a task, indicating they’re way too delicate for the ‘job’.
But all may not be as it seems. Psychologists say these ‘picky’ travellers may actually be perpetrators of ‘weaponised incompetence’, that is they’re employing a sneaky tactic to avoid certain tasks or responsibilities.
So, how widespread is weaponised incompetence? The Director of the Australian Association of Psychologists Inc (AAPi), Carly Dober, told the GNT that there wasn’t any hard data yet as it hadn’t been studied at a national level.
“All experiences of this are quite anecdotal and come to health professionals either in session or are passed along through the community and family grapevine,” she said. “It is more common than people might think, and it is a real strain on relationship harmony.”
Ms Dober says weaponised incompetence appears to be more prevalent in those households that hold quite strong traditional values, perhaps for religious or generational reasons.
“Perhaps some older grey nomads intentionally feign incompetence because ‘I just don’t want to be seen doing a woman’s job’,” she said. “Or because they never learned how to cook.”
Weaponised incompetence may play a part in the division of labour. Similarly, Ms Dober says some female grey nomads may pretend to be more ‘squeamish’ about messy jobs like emptying the toilet cassette or removing spiders in order to get out of doing them for the exact reasons their male counterparts may dislike traditionally ‘feminine’ tasks.
For those wondering how to spot the difference between this and real incompetence, Ms Dober says it’s all about the intent.
“Real incompetence is just when someone doesn’t know how to do a task and they are usually open to learning how to do it,” she said. “Weaponised incompetence is strategically avoiding responsibility.”
So, what’s the solution?
“Often relationships can just get into patterns where one person does this job and the other person does that job and that can be the status quo for decades,” said Ms Dober. “But needs change and circumstances change, and this discussion can be a great reset for a couple … some partners also have no clue how much time and effort actually goes into things like cooking for the week!”
What a load of s**t.!!! Most grey nomads don’t need a psychology report to tell them what they already know. Couples who have been together for many years know each other very well and are happy to share the chores, whatever they may be.