Dear Jaclyn and Heidi,
My daughter, son-in-law and their three young kids are all coming camping with us this Christmas and, rather than looking forward to it, I’m terrified it’s going to be another family disaster. I just can’t stop myself from trying to rein in the little terrors! Hubby and I have been on the road for four years and, of course, we’ve had cause to get upset at the behaviour of some children at van parks. I must say we’ve also been very impressed by the behaviour of others … particularly those from families travelling long term. Sadly, previous gatherings have taught me that my grandkids are poorly disciplined, and I find it hard to bite my tongue. When I do have a word, my daughter Tammy gets pretty defensive … but I can’t just let the kids run riot, can I?
Jocelyn
You are not alone in fearing the festive period will turn into a family feud! Different personalities will inevitably clash when they spend an extended period of time together. In the end, you just have to accept you are not the children’s parents and that your daughter and her husband simply have different parenting philosophies to you. By all means, try to have a quiet word with Tammy, but read the signs and learn when to back off. It sounds like you don’t have a lot of influence over the way your grandchildren are brought up but you will have even less if you never get to see them at all! Take comfort from the fact that most children – however terrible at times – generally end up being respectable members of society. Just try to relax and enjoy Christmas, Jocelyn. You’re luckier than most.
Jaclyn
Of course, Christmas is about children, Jocelyn, but it is also about thinking of others. You should not be blackmailed into dropping your standards. If the behaviour of your grandchildren upsets you, then you should feel free to express your concerns to your daughter and her husband. They should be sensitive to your views, as well as you to theirs. Talk to your daughter ahead of time and try to adopt a positive attitude. Children grow up fast and the ‘shocking’ kids you remember from a few months ago or whenever you last saw them, may very well be different to the ones you spend time with this Christmas. In any event, if the children are in your van, or out with just you, you have every right to let them know what standards you expect. It’s your Christmas, too, Jocelyn.
Heidi
