Dear Jaclyn and Heidi,
I love my wife, Ali, more than anything but, my oh my, this planning for our Big Lap is really putting a strain on my patience. It’s strange because for the last five years as we worked towards retirement we have both been equally committed to our upcoming grey nomad adventure. The devil though has been in the detail! We have had what I politely call ‘disagreements’ about the best time to leave, the best route, what to pack and – most worryingly – what rig to buy. I want a light camper trailer and she wants a massive motorhome! These ‘disagreements’ have been dragging on for months now and I can’t help thinking she is taking the opposite view of mine just for the sake of it. In 40 years of marriage, we have pretty much always agreed on the ‘big issues’. What’s happening?
Joseph
Forget what you think you know about these tens of thousands of happy grey nomads blissfully traversing the country in perfect harmony, Joseph. Taking off on the Big Lap with a partner – like all aspects of a happy marriage – is about compromise, about understanding, and about meeting half way. If you’ve largely agreed on the ‘big issues’ for the past 40 years, I can safely assume you have good communication channels. Talk to each other now. Don’t dig your heels in about the route or the rig. Find out why she wants a motorhome and then enjoy chatting over the pros and cons. Perhaps your next move is to suggest a pop top caravan and she’ll counter with a 22’ caravan. You say you love her, Joseph and I assume she loves you … so you’ll get there. Give and take, Joseph. Give and take!
Jaclyn
Has it crossed your mind that Ali is indeed disagreeing for disagreement’s sake because deep down she is really not ready to go … at least not yet. It’s one thing chatting about how glorious the freedom of the open road will be as you sip on a glass of red wine when departure day is about five years away … it’s quite another when your hubby is getting ready to hitch up a van and is sorting out the mail re-direction. Or maybe it’s you who are not ready to go yet and are torpedoeing her plans? Either way, put the brakes on in the planning for a while, Joseph. Get used to the pace of retirement and try again when you are both fully ready. Trust me. Neither of you wants to stuck in a tin box 24/7 with an unhappy partner!
Heidi
